its a joke mate...

A serious car crash in London results in the car being burnt out and the driver is bearly recognisalbe. Because of the type of car and the bling the victim was wearing the doctor thinks it may be a Chelsea footballer, so he arranges for John Terry and Frank Lampard to come and help identify the body.........When they get to the hospital to view the body both Frank and John think it may be Drogda......... Terry says to the doc that he thinks it may be Drogda but can you turn him over to check if he as got 2 ars**oles............ The doc asks how on earth they think Drogda as got 2 ars**oles to which Terry replies.............. Well whenever Drogba me and Frank walk down the Kings Road all the tourists say HEY LOOK IT'S THAT DIDIER DROGDA WITH THE 2 ARSEHOLES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Q: Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
A: They had pictures of ARSENAL Players on them ... and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

liverpool have apparently set up a call centre for fans who are troubled by their current form.The number is 0800 10 10 10.Calls charged at peak rate for overseas users.Once again the number is 0800 won nothing won nothing won nothing.

The police find a body face down in the river mersey, it was a man aged 40-50, he was wearing stockings and suspnders, high heels, and a gmp mask with a dldo stuck up his ars and wearing a liverpool shirt, the police dragged him out and removed the liverpool shirt to save his family any embarrasment!

Four surgeons are taking a coffee break: 1st surgeon says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered." 2nd surgeon says, "Nah, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order." 3rd surgeon says, "Try electricians, man! Everything inside them is colour coded." 4th surgeon says, "I prefer chelsea fans. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and *** are interchangeable.

Q: What do you call a Chelsea fan on the moon? A: A Problem. Q: What do you call 100 Chelsea fans on the moon? A: An even bigger problem. Q: What do you call all the Chelsea fans on the moon? A: Problem solved

There was a arsenal fan, a united fan and a scouse fan. They all got drunk at a wedding celebration for the sultan of a far-off counrty's daughter. As a punishment, there were to be whipped, but as the time came for the whipping, the daughter asked that each man have one wish to show her kindness. The scouse asked for a pillow to be tied to his back, the whip still went through. The arsenal fan asked for two pillows tied to his back, the whip still went through. Then it was the united fan's turn. He asked for 1,000 more whippings, and the sultan gave him one more wish for his bravery. He asked that the scouser and arsenal fan were tied to his back.

arsene wenger was having a bad losing streak over at arsenal whereas United had won 10 straight. Inspired by their form and skills wenger phoned up Sir Alex and asked what is his secret and Sir Alex replies "come see me at Carrington tommorrow and I'll show you".Wenger agreed and so they met at Carrington the next morning. It was there that Sir Alex was setting up 10 cones and a goal behind the cones. Wenger asked him what he was doing and Sir Alex replied "This is my secret I get my players to pass round the cones as if they were opposition and then they shoot at the keeper in the goal".Wenger was suprised that he had not thought of it before and went back to London to show his players and he promised he'd tell Sir Alex how it all went . After a couple of weeks Sir Alex had heard nothing so he decided to phone Wenger himself and hear how it went when he phoned him up Sir Alex asked "Wenger how did the new drills work out?" and wenger replied "Not good the cones beat us 3-0!"

A Man United fan dies and goes to heaven. As St Peter lets him in he spots someone on a distant cloud, sweetly pinging a football into a net from all angles.
‘That’s incredible!’ says the man. ‘Who is that?’
St Peter looks over. ‘That’s God. He thinks he’s Eric Cantona.’

One day, Arsene Wenger went to Carrington to try and see how Sir Alex Ferguson managed to make his young players so good. Ferguson told him that he regularly asked them questions to keep them sharp. As an example, when Rooney (here he was still aged 20) was passing by, Ferguson asked him: "He is not your brother, but he is your father's son. Who is he?", to which Rooney promptly replied: "That's easy, boss - it's me!"

Impressed, Wenger returned to the Emirates and decided to try the same thing. He went up to Cesc Fabregas and asked him: "He is not your brother, but he is your father's son. Who is he?". After trying to figure it out for a good 10 minutes, Fabregas replies: "I'm not sure, boss, but I'll answer you tomorrow." Wenger agreed, and they both went home.

That night, Fabregas sat in his bed, still pondering over the question. After spending fruitless hours trying to find an answer, he eventually decided to call up and ask his old friend, Thierry Henry, in Spain. When Fabregas asked him the question, Henry answered: "That's easy, it's me!" Satisfied, Fabregas went to sleep.

The next day, Fabregas and Wenger met at The Emirates again. When Wenger asked his player "Well, have you got an answer?", Fabregas replied: "Uh, yeah, boss, it was easy, it's Thierry Henry!"

To which Wenger then replied: "No, you idiot, it's Wayne Rooney!"

"Hello mate" says St. Peter, "I'm sorry, no arsenal fans in heaven."
"What ?" exclaims the man, astonished.
"You heard, no arsenal fans."
"But, but, but, I've been a good man", replies the arsenal supporter.
"Oh really", says St. Peter. "What have you done, then ?"
"Well" said the guy, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 10 pounds to the starving children in Africa".
"Oh" says St. Peter. "anything else?"
"Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 10 pounds to the homeless."
"Hmmm. Anything else?"
"Yeah. A week before I died I gave 10 pounds to the Albanian orphans."
"Okay", said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the governor."
Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns. He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your thirty quid back, now f**k off".

Two blokes were walking through a cemetery when they happened upon a tombstone that read:
"Here lies John Sweeney, a good man and a Chelsea fan."
So, one of them asked the other: "When the hell did they start putting two people in one grave?

An United fan, a Scouser and a Chinese man are in the hospital maternity ward. The docters goes out to the fathers and he tells them that there has been a mix up with the babies.

He says, "each of you go in and choose a baby that you think is yours, then come out and then we will review the situation."

The United fan goes in first and comes out with a baby. The docter immediately spots a fault.

He approaches the United fan and says, "come on lad, you know thats the chinese baby" to which he replies "I know, but there is a Scouse baby in there and I ain't taking no chances!"